Many people struggle with FOBO or the “Fear of Better Options.” This fear causes you to avoid making decisions, always waiting for a potentially better option to come along. While it may seem like a luxury problem, it can still feel intensely stressful—creating doubt, restlessness, and tension that keeps you awake, questioning what to do next. For pilots, this indecision can be incredibly challenging. From choosing a place to live to making career moves, constantly searching for the “perfect” choice can lead to missed opportunities and uncertainty. This article explores FOBO and offers an exercise to practice accepting “good enough” decisions. By learning to make decisions without the anxiety of wondering if something better will come, you can become more confident in your choices and reduce the stress that often accompanies decision-making. We will dive into how understanding motivation can help you make more straightforward, less stressful decisions.
FOBO vs. FOMO
FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) is the anxiety of missing an opportunity or experience, often triggered by seeing others' exciting activities or achievements. On the other hand, FOBO (Fear of Better Options) is the fear of making a decision, worried that a better choice might come along later. While FOMO is about fearing what you are not experiencing, FOBO is about indecision, holding out for a potentially better option. Both lead to stress but stem from different fears of regret and missing out.
FOBO (Fear of Better Options) can impact various aspects of life, especially when people feel overwhelmed by the possibility of better opportunities, leading to indecision. In the context of dating, for instance, people may hesitate to commit to a potential partner because they worry about missing out on someone “better.” This happens frequently on dating apps, where individuals keep swiping through options, wondering if the next match could be more compatible. Even when a connection seems promising, the fear of better options often causes them to hold back.
The same indecision arises when deciding whether to pursue a relationship or keep options open. You might go on several dates with someone who seems great, but you wonder if you should continue exploring other possibilities, unsure whether settling down now means missing out on a more perfect match. Similarly, in serious relationships, people may fear committing to exclusivity or taking the next step, always wondering if someone better might come along.
This indecision is not limited to dating—FOBO can also manifest in career decisions, purchases, or choosing a place to live. People may delay making decisions in anticipation of a better opportunity, leading to missed connections or regret, as they remain stuck in a cycle of “what ifs.”
Good Enough
For small and medium-sized decisions, the most common advice to combat FOBO is to opt for “good enough”—make a decision like a satisficer. The New York Times coined this as the “mostly fine” decision, a choice you are okay with, even if it is not the highest achievable option. (The term is a mash-up, or portmanteau, of “satisfy” and “suffice” wherein one finds the decision satisfyingly sufficient.)
It encourages individuals to let go of the pressure always to make the best choice and to understand that sometimes, a “mostly fine” decision can be just as fulfilling, if not more.
Ask yourself what choice needs to be fulfilled to be good enough. Want to pick a movie? Think about what you're in the mood for—do you want something lighthearted, adventurous, or relaxing? Once you know your criteria, you can choose to meet those needs and stick with them.
Exercise: To practice making good-enough decisions, try this: go to a streaming service, pick the first movie that seems interesting, and commit to watching it without browsing through options endlessly. It might initially feel uncomfortable, but it helps reduce decision fatigue and increases your ability to enjoy the moment. At first, this will feel uncomfortable, but if you stick with it, you will start to see the benefits—mainly less anxiety.
Changing Base? Buying a House?
Making less impactful “good enough” decisions helps build confidence and reduces the anxiety that can creep in with more significant choices. When you practice deciding quickly and comfortably where to eat or what movie to watch, you train your brain to trust your judgment without overthinking. Over time, this practice helps you approach more complicated decisions—like buying a house or changing home base—with less stress.
When it comes to more significant decisions like choosing a location for a house, you can use the same method. First, identify your non-negotiables: what do you need from the location? Is it proximity to the airport for easier commuting? Good schools? A certain lifestyle? Once you have those criteria, narrow your options to places that fit those needs. Do not let the fear of missing out on a “perfect” place paralyze you. Make your decision based on what's good enough and permit yourself to commit without second-guessing. Even if you move and realize it is not exactly perfect, you will learn and adapt in the future, but at least you will have avoided the endless cycle of indecision.
What Is Your Motivation?
When faced with a significant decision, it is helpful to examine your motivation. In psychology, three main types of motivation are distinguished:
- Autonomous motivation: When you genuinely want to do something because it aligns with your interests or values. The more autonomous your motivation, the better.
- Controlled motivation: When you do something because you feel you should or because of external pressure rather than personal desire.
- A-motivation: The absence of motivation or drive to do something, leading to indifference or apathy.
Autonomous motivation also comes in three gradations:
- Intrinsic motivation: The most autonomous form, driven by a genuine interest or curiosity. For example, doing something because you enjoy it so much that you lose track of time.
- Value-driven motivation: Doing something because you believe it is essential or aligned with your core values, even if it is not fun or exciting.
- Goal-driven motivation: Motivated by a clear goal, such as working toward a specific objective (e.g., studying to pursue a particular career or starting a business).
Writing Exercise: Ask Yourself These 6 Questions to Prevent FOBO
The following writing exercise is a good practice to know what truly motivates you and what is less so. Think about the activities you have engaged in over the past few weeks, and answer the following questions:
- Which activities do you find interesting and truly enjoy doing?
- Which activities do you find important to do?
- Which activities help you achieve your personal goals?
- Which activities help you maintain your self-worth? Think about avoiding guilt or shame or feeling proud.
- Which activities lead to rewards and/or help you avoid “punishment?”
- Which activities no longer seem worth doing?
After answering these questions, you should better understand the motivation behind the choices you make or have made. The more autonomous your motivation (such as in questions 1, 2, or 3), the more likely those choices fit.
However, if many of your activities are driven by controlled motivation (questions 4 and 5) or even a-motivation (question 6), it might be time to rethink some of your choices.
Final Thoughts
Making minor or significant decisions becomes easier when you understand the motivation behind your choices. By recognizing whether you are driven by intrinsic interest, values, or external pressure, you can better navigate options and reduce the grip of FOBO. This self-awareness helps answer the essential question: Why would you choose one path over another?
If you struggle with decision-making and FOBO, Emerald Mental Health specializes in helping pilots and aviation professionals with their unique challenges. Emerald Mental Health offers tailored support to manage pressure and stay focused, both in your career and personal life. Seeking support can help clarify your choices. Contact reini@emeraldmentalhealth.com or visit www.emeraldmentalhealth.com for a free consultation.
Resources
McGinnis, P. (2019). The 10% Entrepreneur: Live your startup dream without quitting your day job. Penguin Random House.
Schwartz, B. (2017, September 25). Good enough rules the world. The New York Times. https://www.nytimes.com/2017/09/25/opinion/good-enough-perfectionism.html
